PA State Guidelines on use of offensive language in the workplace

Dear Pennsylvania State Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
throughout the State have been using foul language during the course of
normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended,
this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do however, realize
the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings
when communicating to co-workers within State offices.

Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been
provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in
an effective manner.

1) TRY SAYING:
I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF:
You don't know what the f*** you're doing.

2) TRY SAYING:
She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF:
She's a ball-busting b**ch.

3) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF:
And when the f*** do you expect me to do this?

4) TRY SAYING:
I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF:
Ain't Nooooo f****** way!

5) TRY SAYING:
Really?
INSTEAD OF:
Giiiiiiiiiiit the f*** outta here!!!

6) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF:
Tell a muthaf***** who gives a sh**

7) TRY SAYING:
I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF:
It's not my f****** problem.

8) TRY SAYING:
That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF:
What the f*** ?!

9) TRY SAYING:
I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF:
This sh** won't work.

10) TRY SAYING:
I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF:
Why the f*** didn't you tell me sooner?

11) TRY SAYING:
He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF:
He ain't got a f***in' clue!!!

12) TRY SAYING:
Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF:
YO!! D***HEAD!!!!

13) TRY SAYING:
So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF:
Boy, did they f*** THAT up?!?

14) TRY SAYING:
I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF:
F*** outta here!!!!

15) TRY SAYING:
I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF:
F*** outta here!!!!

16) TRY SAYING:
I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF:
THIS is some bulls***!!!

17) TRY SAYING:
You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF:
Who the f*** died and made you boss?

18) TRY SAYING:
He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF:
He's a f***in' d***head!!!!

Pennsylvania State Department - Human Resources

How God Created Man

On the first day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's a kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty years and I'll give back the other forty." And God agreed.

On the second day, God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give back the other ten." So God agreed.

On the third day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty year life span."
Monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And God agreed again.

On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy. Do nothing, just enjoy. I'll give you twenty years." Man said, "What? Only twenty years? No way man. Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the dog gave back and the ten the monkey gave back. That makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God. "You've got a deal." So that is why for the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy, and do nothing; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit in front of the house and bark at everybody.

The quotes I like

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
--Woody Allen

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL.
--Lynn Lavner

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
--Sharon Stone

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
--Tiger Woods

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
--Jack Nickolson

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
--Billy Crystal

According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.
--Robert De Niro

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
--Robin Williams

Lazy police shake-up

"Going to bed the other night, I noticed people in my shed stealing things. I phoned the police.."





Source | digg story

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and signed Yulius Caesar -;)

God's Desktop

This picture was originally released in the Time magazine.
Click it to enlarge.



There were many conclusions from this on the net. For example:
- God uses Mac
- He's almighty because he has no spam
- He receives mails from Zeus and Buddha

But the most important question is - who is the one who has taken the screenshot?

Answer to life, the universe, and everything

You know... It's just amazing...
Google definitely knows the answer to life, the universe, and everything

Just click and enjoy: The answer

So, what do you think guys? Should we call it Deep Thought?

The answer to the ultimate question

I was always wondering what does this strange mark mean.
This picture explains much :)