Funny Chuck Norris Facts. Vol. 2
Here's more of Chuck Norris facts:
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries. Ever.
Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
The agent of Chuck Norris asked Chuck if he wanted to be in Brokeback Mountain. Chuck Norris' agent has been missing for almost 2 years now. Never ask Chuck Norris to be in a gay cowboy movie.
Chuck Norris IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
Chuck Norris wasn't born with feet, just boots.
When Chuck Norris throws a boomerang, the boomerang does not return because it is scared to come back.
A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s ass halfway through the first chapter.
When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.
In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.
As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."
It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn falls down.
Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no live witnesses.
Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.
Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie".
People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris...Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.
Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
chucknorrisfacts.com
101 comments:
They say God cast Satan to Hell, this isn't true. Satan just pissed Chuck Norris off and Chuck roundhouse kicked him into hell.
Thanks! This one's nice
Chuck Norris doesn't need birth control, his sperm KNOWS better!
Chuck Norris does not fight cavities, they are too scared to form in his teeth.
Chuck Norris knows to ways to open a door, one is to turn the door knob and push, the other is to throw you through it first.
When Chuck Norris breaks up with his girlfriend, he doesn't kick her to the curb.....he kicks the curb at her.
The term "I will slap you into next week" was put to shame when Chuck Norris went into next week and roundhouse kicked a person into 1200 B.C.
When Chuck Norris takes a crap, someone else's toilet over flows.
Chuck Norris got a speeding ticket, from a roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris watched the Texas Chain Saw Massacre and fell asleep laughing.
When Chuck Norris heard the song "take this job and shove it" he did.
If Chuck Norris only had one eye and was paralyzed from the waste down, he would use his tongue for a roundhouse lick!
Chuck Norris doesn't smoke cigarrettes, cigarrettes smoke for Chuck Norris.
CHUCK NORRIS invented water.
CHUCK NORRIS invented water.
Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Chuck Norris did a roundhouse kick to set it all in motion.
Chuck Norris once was asked to cure a boy of cancer. He did a roundhouse kick that left the boy unharmed and the cancer ran in fear
Under Chuck Norris' beard is not a chin, its only another fist...
chuck norris clogs the toilet when he pisses
The Earth does not sit on an axis, only Chuck Norris' finger
People prey to god!!!! GOD preys to CHUCK NORRIS!!!
Chuck Norris chose his name before he was born.
Chuck Norris committed suicide twice.
Chuck Norris doesn't shave, he roundhouse kicks his face.
Chuck Norris knows every Anonymous here.
Its a myth that if you look at a sheep crosseyed it will die. Its a fact that if Chuck Norris looks at you crosseyed you'll die.
Scientist show that not even light itself can't scape a black hole, its just a fancy name for Chuck Norris.
chuck norris is so fast he can run around the world and roundhouse kick his self in the back of the head
chuck norris can slam a revolving door
chuck norris can kill two stones with one bird
Chuck Norris can believe its not butter!
One time a blind man stepped on Chuck Norris's foot. Then Chuck Norris said "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" Once the blind man heard these words, his blindness was cured. But the first, last , and only thing the man saw was a roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a gun, he just throws bullets at people and kills them.
there is no such thing as global warming. chuck norris just got cold and turned up the sun.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity,,,, twice.
If you can see Chuck Norris Chuck can see you, if you cant see chuck norris you are only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris can piss into gale force winds.
Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer to bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalkers real father.
A new study in Washington has shown that if we were ever in a neuclear war all that would be left would be cockroaches and Chuck Norris.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck's foot. "Do you know who I am?!?" The sound of Chucks voice instantly cured the man's blindness. Unfortunatlly the first, and last thing for him to see was a roundhouse kick delivered By Chuck Norris.
chuck norris once roundhouse kicked someone in the back of the face.
The only time chuck norris was wrong was when he thought he was wrong.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
Chuck Norris once did a roundhouse kick so fast that his foot went back in time and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
chuck norris lives in your window
chuck Norris is a faggot
Chuck Norris doesn't turn the TV on, the TV turns him on!
A woman got married to Chuck Norris & then divorced.
I told you women can't be pleased
Chuck Norris gave a man a fish and fed him for a life-time.
Chuck Norris said;
Pipi, Caca, Chorro!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chuck Norris is as dangerous as Barney the Dinosaur's yellow friend.
Chuck Norris has no friends on MySpace. Not even Tom.
Chuck Norris once hid his cornflakes in a safe because he heard a serial killer was on the loose.
Chuck Norris' penis is so big it has it's own elbow.
chuck norris dont need guns for protection, the guns need him!!!
trents so gay that chuck norris punished him with his penis
the movie iron man was based off chuck norris's dick.
jesus can walk on water. Chuck norris can swim on land
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Man at burger king and got it!!!
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and Got It!!!!!!!
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Chuck norris uses a live rattlesnake as a condom
chuck norris doesnt sleep he waits
Jesus wasn't reincarnated. Chuck Norris just Roundhouse kicked him back to Earth.
CHUCK NORRIS invented a new technique...it's called the squarehouse kick but no one has ever witnessed it. Not even CHUCK NORRIS
Time and space stops for no man, unless your Chuck Norris.
whoever blitz is u need to shut up about that not even chuck norris can bscare or beat god.........................EVER
great on blitz so true
Chuck Norris does NOT open a window, the window shatters and opens when sees Chuck Norris
*Chuck Norris doesn't wear perfume cuz the perfume already smells like Chuck Norris
*Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum, he chews bodies that he killed with a Roundhouse kick
Chuck Norris was once having sex in a car, a stray sperm got into the engine of the car the result of this was Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars,thats why we see no life there.
Chuck Norris never has to drop a duece. Whenever he feels the urge to, he usually just beats the shit out of someone else.
chuck norris doesnt have hair on his balls, because hair doesnt grow on steel
Chunk Norris Does Facts, He Made Them
Chuck Norris Doesnt Walk , He Thinks of Were To Go And Gets There
Chunk Norris Does not move for anyone or any thing , now the moon and sun revolves around HIM !
Chunk Norris didn't go into the big brother house, big brother came to his house , bought his food and gave him a reward
Time Stand Still For No Man ... Except Chuck Norris
On Bebo Chuck Norris Has Infinity Loves And No Comments
Chuck norris once shot down a plane by pointing his finger at it and wispering "Bang"
Chuck Norris only has sex with Chuck Norris!
When Korea heard the USA was sending Chuck Norris, they waved the white flag....
Chuck Norris roundhoused his wife. She was talking when she should have been listening...
Chuck Norris roundhoused Swine Flu, now it's just eniws ulf
WE ALL ARE GOING TO DIE SOMEDAY....EVERYONE BUT CHUCK NORRIS
When Chuck Norris was born the midwife said, "Holy sh!t, thats Chuck Norris." She then had sex with him, at this time she was the twelth person to have had sex with Chuck Norris.
God wanted 7 days to create the earth...Chuck Norris gave him 6
CrittDoggyDogg
Everyone's body weights consists of 70% water. 70% body weight of chuck norris is his dick
chuck norris lost his virginity before his dad
chuck norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass, at night
there's not reason to cry over spilt milk, unless its chuck norris's because then your going to die.
by the way people who are freaking out about blitz, chill the fuck out its just a joke god damnit.
Chuck Norris sleeps w/a night light, not because he's afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the corn to lay the f*ck down!
Chuck Norris doesn't read, he stares at the book until it gives him the information he wants!
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald’s because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy’s.
if you stare into chuck norris eyes for 20 minutes you will become him ... the furthest anyone got was 12 seconds
Chuck Norris can play russian rullet with a fully loaded gun....and win
In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader.Chuck Norris wins
If you have 5 dollars and Chuck Norris has 1 dollar Chuck Norris has more money than you
the universe was created when chuck norris sucseeded in deviding by zero for the first time. the second time he tries the universe will jump to the next dimension.
chuck norris' ford model T was red
no one ever dared to ask chuck norris whether or not hae wanted fries with that, for 1) they already had a pretty d*mn good idea what the answer would be, and 2) Chuck's response would be "yes you want a roundhouse kick with that"
the only reason that man invented the airplane was to get away from all of the car crashes that chuck norris created
Jesus walks on water, Chuck Norris walks on jesus
search:chuck norris (0.18 sec) ok fool this isnt google or some crap like that and you dont search for CHUCK chuck doesnt search either he FINDS so either run and hide or have eminent death or flea to china and make out with an anteater /hmu
If it smells like beef,
looks like beef,
and taste like beef,
and Chuck Norris says it's chicken;
it's chicken.
When god said "let there be light" chuck norris said "say please"
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret !
Chuck Norris was the most searched term on Google. 10 years before it was made.
Chuck Norris and Superman had a bet on who would win in a fight between the 2 of them, the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of their pants.
If you search Chuck Norris on google and u spell it wrong it doesn't say don't u mean chuck norris it says run while u still have a chance.
Arnold Shwarzenegger is called the terminator because he couldn't be called Chuck Norris.
Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him.
Chuck Norris ate 3 72.oz steaks in an hour the first 45 minutes he spent fucking the waittress.
Chuck Norris doesn't have nightmares, nightmares have Chuck Norriss'
Chuck Norris uses king crab legs for toilet paper
Chuck Norris doesnt get H1N1 flu, H1N1 flu gets RHKTH (Roundhouse kick to the head) from Chuck Norris
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